"Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying and yet we live on; beaten and yet not killed; sorrowful yet always rejoicing; poor yet making many rich; having nothing and yet possessing everything."
2 Corinthians 6:4-10

To me this illustrates the ups and downs of ministry, missions, and being a disciple of Jesus.  I have been able to experience many of these extremes in only two months of being here. Being in Swaziland has opened my eyes to much of what God has for those of us He has called to be His disciples.  It is not always supposed to be easy…in fact, it is never supposed to be easy.

We are learning "how to be a real disciple" at the Bible Study that I attend on Wednesday nights and we covered part of these verses this past week.  Our leader, Jim Fraser, said that a pastor once said to him, "You want God's way in your life, but you want your way at the same time."  How true this is for many of us!

As disciples we are called to first count the cost and then decide if we want to follow Jesus with everything or not.  I think counting the cost is continuous and looks different for different people at different seasons in their lives.  Things that might not have cost me at age 15 might be costly at age 22.  One thing I know and that I am learning more and more is that God asks for everything, not simply the things that I am willing to give Him.  

The real disciple says in their heart, and truly means, "God I have counted the cost, and I know that there is nothing else in life that will bring me satisfaction but You.  I long for You to be glorified in me, so take me as I am and use me how You will.  No longer is my life my own, but I surrender everything to Your ways.  Your love is compelling and I can do nothing but drop everything to follow You as You are calling me.  Help me to fix my eyes on You so that I will not be led astray. Help me to lay myself down daily so that You will be exalted."

"I the Lord do not change…return to Me and I will return to you.  ‘Test me in this,' says the LORD Almighty, ‘and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." Malachi 3: 6,7,10

I don't know where you are, I don't know where you have been. All I know is that I have been called to count the cost of following Jesus, to lay everything at His feet, and I have found that nothing else on this earth will ever satisfy and sustain the way that Jesus can.  I could have nothing and have everything in knowing Christ as my Savior. I am learning daily how to trust Him and give myself wholly to Him, especially in the times that I am weak.  

God does not change.  He asks everything of me, but He promises that He will be faithful in blessing with more than anything I could have planned for myself.